When you first start dating someone, you might be on the lookout for signs that this might not be a great fit. It makes sense, we’ve all been hurt before, and we want to cut our losses before getting too invested.
All too often we’re so busy focusing on these red flags and putting our emotional guard up that we fail to pay attention to the good signs to keep an eye out for.
That’s not to say that you should gloss over negative actions or traits, because if you do, you will likely end up brokenhearted or in a relationship that isn’t healthy for you.
Still, there are also what I like to call green lights that we should look out for when finding and evaluating a potential partner. This is deeper than simply determining that “they’re nice” or “they’re great at picking restaurants.” It’s about emotional compatibility and the ways in which a person might be right for you, specifically.
Think about what works for you, both in your past relationships and friendships.
Is it the way someone listens to you?
The way they always know just what you need after a long day?
It’s also a good idea to tune into the ways that you show love to others, as that often provides good clues to how you like to be loved. By answering these questions, you pinpoint exactly what you are looking for and become better equipped to choose a good partner.
I believe that these five things can be a good place to start...
1. They’re an open communicator.
If you’re going to spend a significant amount of time with someone, they need to be willing to tell you how they’re feeling and help you process your emotions as well. A good indicator that someone is worth pursuing is that they can respectfully share their opinions or feelings about something and you, in turn, can offer the same back to them.
A good communicator will leave you walking away from an interaction feeling better about the situation or argument, not worse. This builds emotional intimacy, which is the backbone of all healthy and happy relationships.
2. They encourage your other relationships.
Friends and family are a huge part of your life, and anyone you’re dating should respect that. It's important to maintain your other relationships.
One of the first signs of abuse is a partner trying to isolate you from your friends and family.
3. They’re supportive of your career and goals.
Someone being generally supportive of you is a bright green light. They encourage your dreams, help you make plans for the future, and are genuinely happy for you when you succeed.
This is usually a sign of a secure partner, It shows that you can be in a relationship with this person and keep thriving in other parts of your life, as well.
4. Your core beliefs are complementary.
We often make concessions for people, hoping they’ll come around to our way of thinking. But, in most cases, this won’t happen. So when your core beliefs align with those of the person you’re dating, it’s a major positive.
Your core beliefs can range from religious beliefs to a preference for monogamy (or non-monogamy) to a desire to have a long-term relationship (or a causal relationship) to whether or not you want children someday.
Core beliefs are really important, because without sharing key values, the relationship may be unsustainable.
5. Know your personal attachment style.
Most of us give love the way we want to receive it. It’s just a natural thing. If being touched and snuggled makes you feel loved, you’ll likely want to touch and snuggle someone to show them your love. The problem is that the people we date don’t always welcome love in the same ways we do.
If we can learn our own style, then we can communicate that to our partner and find ways to show and receive love.
Perhaps more than anything else, you should feel good when you spend time with someone you’re dating. They should make you feel excited, happy, and positive about yourself.
If you would like to learn more about how to read green flags and have the relationship of your dreams, contact me HERE and we can set up a discovery call.
Loving yourself can be one of the most transformative things you do that will improve all aspects of your life.
It's a process that has to start from within you, not from outside of you.
There are some quick ways to start this:
1. Become mindful. People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, feel, and want. They are mindful of who they are and act on this knowledge.
2. Act on what you need rather than what you want. You love yourself when you can turn away from something that feels good in the moment to what you need to stay strong long term. This promotes being centered and forward momentum in your life. By staying focused on what you need, you turn away from automatic behavior patterns that get you into trouble, keep you stuck in the past, and lessen self-love.
3. Practice good self-care. You will love yourself more, when you take better care of your basic needs. People high in self-love nourish themselves daily through healthy activities, like sound nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy and healthy social interactions.
4. Set boundaries. You'll love yourself more when you set limits or say “no” to work or activities that deplete or harm you physically, emotionally, or express poorly who you are.
5. Forgive yourself. We humans can be so hard on ourselves. The downside of taking responsibility for our actions is punishing ourselves too much for mistakes in learning and growing. You have to accept your humanness, before you can truly love yourself. Practice positive self talk when you make a mistake. Remember, there are no failures, if you have learned and have grown from your mistakes, there are only lessons.
If you choose just one or two of these self-love actions to work on, you will begin to accept and love yourself more. Just imagine how much you'll appreciate you when you exercise some of these steps to self-love.
I believe that you can only love a person as much as you love yourself. If you exercise any of these actions of self-love that I describe here, you will allow and encourage others to express themselves in the same way. The more self-love you have, the better prepared you are for healthy relating. Even more, you will start to attract people and circumstances to you that support your well-being.
Loving yourself can bring you the sense of inner peace and contentment you've been longing for all this time.
If you would like to learn more about self love and how to approach this life with a grateful heart, contact me HERE and we can get you started today!
Happy Happens To You
Most people believe happiness is something that happens to them.
But in reality, it’s something that’s created.
Happiness is as simple as making a choice. It’s about making the conscious decision to let go of expectations about the way life “should be,” and accepting the reality of how it is. Whenever you argue with reality, it will guarantee pain.
When you make the decision to be happy no matter what, you become free. You begin to experience pure happiness.
Happiness happens in your soul when you’re in the moment and when you’ve freed yourself from the expectations of the mind.
Pure happiness comes from being and expressing who you really are.
Your goal should be causeless happiness.
Bring back the childlike awe and wonder that comes from being in the present moment. And remember, you don’t need an excuse to feel good!
Give yourself the gift of pure happiness, and share that happiness with those you love most.
When you want to learn more about how to handle negative thoughts, Please reach out HERE and we can set up a call.
Is a collection of Micah's views regarding men's skills in relationship and their ability to tap into their masculine frame.