Green Lights

When you first start dating someone, you might be on the lookout for signs that this might not be a great fit. It makes sense, we’ve all been hurt before, and we want to cut our losses before getting too invested.

All too often we’re so busy focusing on these red flags and putting our emotional guard up that we fail to pay attention to the good signs to keep an eye out for.

That’s not to say that you should gloss over negative actions or traits, because if you do, you will likely end up brokenhearted or in a relationship that isn’t healthy for you.

Still, there are also what I like to call green lights that we should look out for when finding and evaluating a potential partner. This is deeper than simply determining that “they’re nice” or “they’re great at picking restaurants.” It’s about emotional compatibility and the ways in which a person might be right for you, specifically.
Think about what works for you, both in your past relationships and friendships.

Is it the way someone listens to you?
The way they always know just what you need after a long day?

It’s also a good idea to tune into the ways that you show love to others, as that often provides good clues to how you like to be loved. By answering these questions, you pinpoint exactly what you are looking for and become better equipped to choose a good partner.

I believe that these five things can be a good place to start...
1. They’re an open communicator.
If you’re going to spend a significant amount of time with someone, they need to be willing to tell you how they’re feeling and help you process your emotions as well. A good indicator that someone is worth pursuing is that they can respectfully share their opinions or feelings about something and you, in turn, can offer the same back to them.

A good communicator will leave you walking away from an interaction feeling better about the situation or argument, not worse. This builds emotional intimacy, which is the backbone of all healthy and happy relationships.

2. They encourage your other relationships.
Friends and family are a huge part of your life, and anyone you’re dating should respect that. It's important to maintain your other relationships.
One of the first signs of abuse is a partner trying to isolate you from your friends and family.

3. They’re supportive of your career and goals.
Someone being generally supportive of you is a bright green light. They encourage your dreams, help you make plans for the future, and are genuinely happy for you when you succeed.
This is usually a sign of a secure partner, It shows that you can be in a relationship with this person and keep thriving in other parts of your life, as well.

4. Your core beliefs are complementary.
We often make concessions for people, hoping they’ll come around to our way of thinking. But, in most cases, this won’t happen. So when your core beliefs align with those of the person you’re dating, it’s a major positive.
Your core beliefs can range from religious beliefs to a preference for monogamy (or non-monogamy) to a desire to have a long-term relationship (or a causal relationship) to whether or not you want children someday.

Core beliefs are really important, because without sharing key values, the relationship may be unsustainable.

5. Know your personal attachment style.
Most of us give love the way we want to receive it. It’s just a natural thing. If being touched and snuggled makes you feel loved, you’ll likely want to touch and snuggle someone to show them your love. The problem is that the people we date don’t always welcome love in the same ways we do.

If we can learn our own style, then  we can communicate that to our partner and find ways to show and receive love.
Perhaps more than anything else, you should feel good when you spend time with someone you’re dating. They should make you feel excited, happy, and positive about yourself.
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If you would like to learn more about how to read green flags and have the relationship of your dreams, contact me HERE  and we can set up a discovery call.