Break the Mirror!
Have you ever been in a conversation and you feel what the other person is feeling?
Of course you have.
This is called mirroring.
All humans have a tendency to mirror each other to build common ground.
This can cause us to act and think in that other persons frame.
This 3 minute read will give you a new tool to reach compassion with your partner in a way that makes him/her feel loved and safe.
When that happens, you'll have the ability to see your partner as he/she really is and connect in way that is meaningful and real.
Rule #10 of my six week program is “Break the Mirror”
Here’s what that means and why it will transform your relationship.
PROBLEM. . .
When your partner feels something, you want to understand their perspective.
We start by falling into that state of mind and all the sudden we feel just like them.
We then start to look for solutions from our paradigm. We want to fix this negative!
If you are like most men, you will then give a course of action that would be good for you and we really haven't heard the other person.
We just feel the negative emotion and want to provide a solution.
Our solution is based on what works for us. Our agenda and bais is all we see.
WHY YOU SHOULD GIVE A SHIT. . .
When we offer solutions for an issue or problem that someone else is having without real data, the other person doesn't feel heard and will usually discount everything that comes after.
When you think about it, have you even heard the real issue?
If we are approaching the problem with the same emotional paradigm as the person that has the issue, how can we help?
Do we even need to help?
Why are we even in this person's emotional state?
Do we have enough data?
SOLUTION
Break that mirror!
When we ask questions, we get data.
If when we start to feel that feeling of "I need to fix this", we use a strategy of get curious , ask questions.
"When you feel that way, then what happens?"
"If that were to happen then what would it be like?"
This will give our partner space to talk and be heard.
Sometimes this is enough for them to find the solution.
In my experience, she/he is going to be the way she/he is. If we can get some real data from our person, then we can start to create an action plan. That plan may be to sit there and shut our mouths and let them work it out.
Sometimes when a person just verbalizes what's happening to them they can find their own solution.
The key to this is to maintain our own state of emotion. We do this by being curis and asking ourselves, "What's happening here?"
State Control is not as hard as it sounds. We can start by setting our bodies up for the change.
If you sit back in your seat and take a deep breath, right now. Lift your shoulders and look up at the ceiling. When you do this, take one moment to notice how your state of mind changes. It may not be a huge change.
All we need is a small shift.
Once we have the data and can perform a small state change, then we can see what we are looking at. We can then make an informed decision. We can say to ourselves, "Is this my problem?"
We are here to care for and love each other. Do we need to fix this or is this just something that she/he is going through? "Is this my responsibility?"
At this point we can start to respond, instead of react.
When we LISTEN and then respond, our partner can feel heard and cared for. When we maintain state control, this shows our partner that there is another way to be. We model for them that there is a different way to imagine the outcome.
This is a very powerful thing for our partners to see.
Get brave and try this out.
I have 10 rules that transform men and the way women look at them in just 6 weeks.
The theme of these rules is to build desire in a relationship.
When you’re ready to do things differently and get radically different results, let me know. I’m here for you. I use this myself and the men I’ve helped are blown away by how well it works.
Of course you have.
This is called mirroring.
All humans have a tendency to mirror each other to build common ground.
This can cause us to act and think in that other persons frame.
This 3 minute read will give you a new tool to reach compassion with your partner in a way that makes him/her feel loved and safe.
When that happens, you'll have the ability to see your partner as he/she really is and connect in way that is meaningful and real.
Rule #10 of my six week program is “Break the Mirror”
Here’s what that means and why it will transform your relationship.
PROBLEM. . .
When your partner feels something, you want to understand their perspective.
We start by falling into that state of mind and all the sudden we feel just like them.
We then start to look for solutions from our paradigm. We want to fix this negative!
If you are like most men, you will then give a course of action that would be good for you and we really haven't heard the other person.
We just feel the negative emotion and want to provide a solution.
Our solution is based on what works for us. Our agenda and bais is all we see.
WHY YOU SHOULD GIVE A SHIT. . .
When we offer solutions for an issue or problem that someone else is having without real data, the other person doesn't feel heard and will usually discount everything that comes after.
When you think about it, have you even heard the real issue?
If we are approaching the problem with the same emotional paradigm as the person that has the issue, how can we help?
Do we even need to help?
Why are we even in this person's emotional state?
Do we have enough data?
SOLUTION
Break that mirror!
When we ask questions, we get data.
If when we start to feel that feeling of "I need to fix this", we use a strategy of get curious , ask questions.
"When you feel that way, then what happens?"
"If that were to happen then what would it be like?"
This will give our partner space to talk and be heard.
Sometimes this is enough for them to find the solution.
In my experience, she/he is going to be the way she/he is. If we can get some real data from our person, then we can start to create an action plan. That plan may be to sit there and shut our mouths and let them work it out.
Sometimes when a person just verbalizes what's happening to them they can find their own solution.
The key to this is to maintain our own state of emotion. We do this by being curis and asking ourselves, "What's happening here?"
State Control is not as hard as it sounds. We can start by setting our bodies up for the change.
If you sit back in your seat and take a deep breath, right now. Lift your shoulders and look up at the ceiling. When you do this, take one moment to notice how your state of mind changes. It may not be a huge change.
All we need is a small shift.
Once we have the data and can perform a small state change, then we can see what we are looking at. We can then make an informed decision. We can say to ourselves, "Is this my problem?"
We are here to care for and love each other. Do we need to fix this or is this just something that she/he is going through? "Is this my responsibility?"
At this point we can start to respond, instead of react.
When we LISTEN and then respond, our partner can feel heard and cared for. When we maintain state control, this shows our partner that there is another way to be. We model for them that there is a different way to imagine the outcome.
This is a very powerful thing for our partners to see.
Get brave and try this out.
I have 10 rules that transform men and the way women look at them in just 6 weeks.
The theme of these rules is to build desire in a relationship.
When you’re ready to do things differently and get radically different results, let me know. I’m here for you. I use this myself and the men I’ve helped are blown away by how well it works.